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I love my kittens so much, i talk about them too much really. Star is fine now, she has awful mood swings. Lilth and Armand slept with me last night. Oh they are so cute, i wanna squeeze and squeeze them.
Star started hissing and clawing at her kittens today. It was really awful to watch. Armand went back three times, each time being clawed and hissed at. I felt so bad for him, he seemed so confused at sad.
work fucking sucked. i love how they make us do everything, we can't do everything! I hate the new manager i wanna hit him, the only person i hate more is Andrew. Oh and the fuck head who robbed the store, i hope they fucking get it. That could have been me. If it had been i know i would have not been able to go on. I am scared enough of people, it would have ruined me. I hope Matt is ok, i was sick to my stomach, it was awful.
Starting reading the book Rat King by James Clavell. I'm loving it, i'm only two chapters into it and i'm amazed, i love this King guy.

I watched The Exorcist III. Loved it. I must watch it again though. I think it's going to be like the original Exorcist - i watched it over and over again, it played permently on the tv for like a week.

Everything is quite well at the moment because i have two days off to relax and unwind. I slept 3pm to 8pm then 9pm to 2am saturday, then fell asleep again until 9am on sunday morning. Then i slept from 5pm to 6am last night. All caught up on the sleep now.

My kittens are the greatest things in the world. They are like my little clan. They follow me everywhere. I'm really loving Armand. He is always off on his own away from the others. He cuddled with me when i watched the Exorsist III and now is curled up on my blankie. I swear you can communicate with Star without words. I just look at her and she comes. I never liked cats much, they were just around, but these ones i just love, they are my family. Crazy cat lady i am destined to be.

I got Robyn out, she is fucked, and it's her fault, i just helped. I'm getting my money back from my old landlord, stupid twat thought she could keep my money. Someone is stealing my newspaper in the morning, i'll have to take care of that. And then there is the thing with the new mangaer, i don't know what angle i'm going to deal with this yet, but i'll deal with it in someway.
Bitch is out.

I don't ever want a roomate again. I love being all alone again.
I'm so fucking angry. And stressed. I'm fine, ready to go to sleep then this wave of anger hits, i just want to scream and hit things. I'm so fustrated.

I want Robyn to move out, every day i say i'm going to tell her to, i locked her out once, but i let her back in. Because i do want to have a roomate, and she's an ok person. But like everything else i'm completely pulled in two directions.

I haven't given her a key because she hasn't given me money. She said she hasen't given me money because i didn't give her a key yet. But she has been here for half a month! You can't just live somewhere for free! I want my god damn money and she keeps putting it off. I had to take money from my little savings to pay rent for June, which she is supposed to be paying half of and she still hasn't given me anything for May. She said 260 is too much, cause her paycheck is only going to be 300. So fucking what! I spend all my pay check on rent. It's the first thing you pay for, you have to. And she owes me more than just that. If it's too expensive move out, go home to your rich daddy who you wine to one the phone all the time. Or how about this...grow up and support yourself!

Not to mention nothing i have is mine anymore. I can't have a pack of cigarettes, or a bowl of popcorn. I constantly have to say no to sharing liquor or giving her money. I would never impose myself like that on someone, or i pay them back as soon as possible.

I fucking hate this.

And i'm not conftorable with someone up when i'm in my room. I want to be alone, i don't want to listen to her on the phone, cause in my mind i manipulate what i'm hearing into things against me, though most times it isn't ture. I want peace.

The only reason i don't want her out is cause it's nice having someone around SOME OF THE TIME. I can rarely even get an answer at Courtney's and when i do her roomate tells me she has Zee and won't even talk to me herself. I spent the entire day crying at work, by the time i got home my nerves were so shot i was shaking all evening. No one ever comes around, i always have to go to sarah and laura's or courtney's and i feel like crying most of the time when i'm away from home cause i have to deal with people who don't like me around and everything is difficult, i feel so unconftorable everywhere.

I just want her out, and there is no way to do that. FUCK i'm so angry, and my head is pounding.
I feel so horrible, i feel like absolute shit. i want to crawl into the ground curl up and never bother anyone again. My dad ended up moving all my stuff. I feel so awful beyond explanation. I am a burden and i just bother everybody. Why do so many people have to do things for me, why can't i just move and let it just be that easy. My dad had to move me, and i'm not done yet. Laura and Courtney helped. My old landlord is going to my work tomorow to pick up my keys. The new landlord had to call me. Someone has to come hook up my cable and internet. I had to move may cat and kittens and bird. I trouble everyone. I just want it everyone to go away, i don't want to be trouble. I can't calm down, i just feel so low, i don't know what to do. I can't get rid of the guilty feeling in my gut. I hate this, i hate this so much.
I am so stressed about moving. There is so many things i have to do at a certain time or by this time or that. Simple things that don't bother other people but make me so anxious and nervous and that upsets me more cause i should be able to do it easly. And i can't do it alone so i have to ask someone to help me which makes me feel worse cause i don't want to bother anyone.

I'm a wreak at work, i can't focus and keep walking away with things half done, or i put somehting in the wrong place and notice half way though what i'm doing, it's like i just zone out and function without thoughts. I keep forgetting words and most of my sentinces sound like "put that..ummm...ummm..you know...that, oh yeah box over on the *long pause* shelf".

I got my electricity and cable taken care of today, but my nervous are shot. I'm shaky and my heart is pounding. But it's over with, it almost all over with, but i'm going to be completely unreasonable the next few days. I'm snapping and getting pissed off at everyone around me.
They black kitten has opened it's eyes! They are getting so big!