I'm so fucking angry. And stressed. I'm fine, ready to go to sleep then this wave of anger hits, i just want to scream and hit things. I'm so fustrated.
I want Robyn to move out, every day i say i'm going to tell her to, i locked her out once, but i let her back in. Because i do want to have a roomate, and she's an ok person. But like everything else i'm completely pulled in two directions.
I haven't given her a key because she hasn't given me money. She said she hasen't given me money because i didn't give her a key yet. But she has been here for half a month! You can't just live somewhere for free! I want my god damn money and she keeps putting it off. I had to take money from my little savings to pay rent for June, which she is supposed to be paying half of and she still hasn't given me anything for May. She said 260 is too much, cause her paycheck is only going to be 300. So fucking what! I spend all my pay check on rent. It's the first thing you pay for, you have to. And she owes me more than just that. If it's too expensive move out, go home to your rich daddy who you wine to one the phone all the time. Or how about this...grow up and support yourself!
Not to mention nothing i have is mine anymore. I can't have a pack of cigarettes, or a bowl of popcorn. I constantly have to say no to sharing liquor or giving her money. I would never impose myself like that on someone, or i pay them back as soon as possible.
I fucking hate this.
And i'm not conftorable with someone up when i'm in my room. I want to be alone, i don't want to listen to her on the phone, cause in my mind i manipulate what i'm hearing into things against me, though most times it isn't ture. I want peace.
The only reason i don't want her out is cause it's nice having someone around SOME OF THE TIME. I can rarely even get an answer at Courtney's and when i do her roomate tells me she has Zee and won't even talk to me herself. I spent the entire day crying at work, by the time i got home my nerves were so shot i was shaking all evening. No one ever comes around, i always have to go to sarah and laura's or courtney's and i feel like crying most of the time when i'm away from home cause i have to deal with people who don't like me around and everything is difficult, i feel so unconftorable everywhere.
I just want her out, and there is no way to do that. FUCK i'm so angry, and my head is pounding.